Birds Aren’t Real, But Cancer Denialism Is

While walking the path around Lost Lagoon with Sheryl recently, I noticed a suspicious artifact perched on a fence. A crow. It was clearly surveilling the pedestrians, panning its head rhythmically from side to side.

This was obvious evidence that “Birds Aren’t Real.” Birds are actually drones operated by the United States government to spy on citizens of the world, as Peter McIndoe posited in 2017. In April 2023, McIndoe held a TED Talk about the the satirical conspiracy theory.

Why mention a fake drone conspiracy? Because in the cancer world, we have a very real, very dangerous equivalent: Cancer Denialism. But unlike the bird conspiracy, the people promoting these theories are deadly serious. There is no satirical punchline here.

Here are the a few specific, prevailing theories of cancer denialism:

The Emotional Conflict Theory (German New Medicine)

Every tumor corresponds to a specific "conflict." For instance, a "nest-worry conflict" (worrying about a family member) causes breast cancer. Once you solve the conflict, you enter the "healing phase" (where the tumor supposedly rots away).

The Alkaline/pH Imbalance Theory

Cancer cannot survive in an "alkaline environment." Denialists claim that by eating only kale and drinking baking soda, you can change your blood pH and "starve" the disease.

The Frequency and Vibration Theory (Rife Technology)

Royal Rife supposedly built a machine in the 1930s that could shatter cancer cells using radio frequencies, like a soprano breaking a wine glass. Naturally, "The Establishment" destroyed his work.

Vitamin B17/Apricot Pits

"Vitamin B17" (Laetrile/Amygdalin) found in apricot pits is the "lost cure." Denialists claim that "primitive" tribes don't get cancer because they eat the whole fruit.

The Fungal Infection Theory

Cancer is a misdiagnosed overgrowth of the Candida albicans fungus. Tumors are merely the body's defense mechanism attempting to encapsulate the yeast infection. Intravenous or direct injection of sodium bicarbonate neutralizes the fungal colonies.

The Parasite Theory (Anthelmintic Protocol)

Cancers are actually encysted colonies of undiscovered or ignored parasites (like intestinal flukes) that mimic tumors on medical scans. Taking off-label veterinary or human antiparasitic medications (e.g., Ivermectin, Fenbendazole) or extreme herbal purgatives kills the parasites, causing the "tumor" to disappear.

The Toxin Accumulation Theory (Gerson Therapy)

Cancer is the result of the body being overwhelmed by modern environmental toxins, heavy metals, and processed foods. Tumors are toxic waste dumps created by the body to protect vital organs. Extreme detoxification, strict organic juicing regimens, and frequent coffee enemas flush the liver and eliminate the systemic toxins, rendering the tumor biologically unnecessary.

In a separate entry, I will cover Predatory Alternative Medicine—the financially exploitative pseudo-science that packages and sells this cancer quackery.